Everything you need to know about adoption and the lasting effects of neglect

Everything you need to know about adoption and the lasting effects of neglect

I want to understand how my adopted children’s early life experience of neglect has affected them and continues to affect them. I confess I am a bit of a science geek and I have trawled through academic papers to see if science can help me cope the lasting effects of neglect on my adopted children’s lives.

The lasting effects of neglect

One paper that did catch my eye was published by The American Psychological Association in 2014. Authored by Kirsten Weir, it compares the experiences of the effect of neglect of children growing up in Romanian orphanages, children adopted from overseas and children in the US, living in foster care.

The Bucharest project

Launched in 2000 and led by Nathan Fox PhD (University of Maryland), Charles Nelson PhD (Harvard University), and Charles Zeanah (Tulane University) this project looked at 136 children who had lived in Romanian orphanages since birth.

The children studied had been born into neglect and suffered many problems including – delays in cognitive function, delayed motor and language development, and emotional behavioural issues.

But those children who were moved into foster care showed significant improvements but they were behind children who had never experienced institutionalised care.

Children who made the biggest gains were children moved from institutionalised care by the age of two.

The International Adoption Project

This project was started in 1999 and is an extensive study of overseas adoption in America. It was led by Megan Gunnar, PhD, director of the Institute of Child Development at the University of Minnesota.

Dr Gunnar found that children who had previously been in institutions had difficulty with executive functions (the mental skills that help us plan, organise our time, remember and prioritise). Many children struggled to regulate their emotions. Often, they suffered from high anxiety.

  • Another common behaviour observed in children who had previously been in institutions was over-friendliness. Greeting strangers or people little-known to them as long lost friends. This is thought to be a coping mechanism from socially starved lives.
  • Cortisol disruption was another observation. Cortisol peaks after morning and drops during the day. Children who had suffered from neglect showed a more ‘blunted’ cortisol pattern during the day.

The US experience

Philip Fisher PhD has been working with American children who have experienced neglect. He is a psychologist and research scientist at the University of Oregan working with children in foster care.

He suspected that behavioural and emotional difficulties of children in the American foster system could be attributed to neglect. 

Cortisol disruption

But after sharing his data with other researchers including Megan Gunnar, Fisher realised that children in foster care had similar traits to children who had experienced institutionalised care.

  • Cortisol levels were low in the morning and remained low throughout the day. Fisher discovered that this disruption was down to early neglect, “This blunted daily pattern with low morning cortisol seemed to be a hallmark of neglect.”
  • Disrupted cortisol levels are linked to a number of psychological disorders such as anxiety, mood disorders, behavior problems and post-traumatic stress disorder.
  • But the good news is that cortisol patterns can change. Children who have previously suffered from neglect, but are living with foster carers who can respond to the child(ren’s)needs; these children have been seen to develop more normal cortisol levels over time.
  • But children living with foster carers who were stressed too, these children did not make the same recovery. 

My adoption experience and the lasting effects of neglect

My children have been living with us for five years now and I do believe they are still living with the effects of neglect.

But they are lucky, they had an excellent foster carer and now have stability with us and along the way we have had support from our brilliant network of family, friends, and professionals.

Can’t relax, because I don’t know how to relax

The early days were tough, and we lived through what must have been days, weeks, months, even longer, of cortisol disruption.

One of the lasting effects of neglect is that my children can never really truly relax. They don’t really understand what it is to completely switch off, be in the zen zone, it’s like that early life neglect has entered their DNA.

As a result, they are highly attuned to stress, they are like tightly wound springs ready to boing.

The slightest change of our circumstances, holidays, unknown routines, a day that has not been fully planned, to much excitement, too much noise can send them a state of anxiety.

The charm offensive

I have also noticed the over-friendliness, the charm offensive.  With just a flash of the ‘winning smile’,  adults can be completely beguiled.  I guess this is a coping mechanism from a ‘socially starved life’.

This is a well known and documented coping mechanism, as noted in the brilliant book by Caroline Archer, First Steps in Parenting the Child Who Hurts: “There are some children who smile all the time. They smile at anyone, anywhere, and when they smile at you, they smile through you. Often a child like this has to smile like this at all costs to survive.” 

Parents need to manage their stress too

Adopting our two children is truly the best thing in my life, but at the same time, it can be and it is simultaneously draining, exhausting and unrelenting.

Adopters need to take care of themselves too. We need to manage our stress so we can manage our kids’ stress. Stress begets stress and before we know it we’re sinking into our own whirlpool of anxiety.

My big takeaway from this paper is that I need to manage my stress levels.

So mums, dads, carers, whether your kids are adopted or not, do whatever it takes to manage your stress.  Take a day out from parenting, book that massage, catch a film, go for a run, take that yoga class, have that glass of wine. Science says we should!

Photcredit, Franco courtesy of Flickr

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  1. February 25, 2017 / 12:06 am

    A very interesting post.

    Having been in an orphanage aged 3 and adopted at 5ish. I am well aware of the psychological effects this has had on me.

    From what I remember my adoptive parents never seemed stressed or anxious. There was though a lack of adequate counselling on the specific reasons behind my behavioural and emotional issues, some of which have remained into adulthood.
    Alan Herbert recently posted…5 Reasons to have a Fourth child.My Profile

    • Tooting Mama
      February 25, 2017 / 5:49 pm

      Thank you for being so open about your background. You are incredibly self-aware and obviously had wonderful, loving parents.

      You are right there is a lack of counselling and therapy, I’ve had to struggle to get support for my children, and both have traits that are definitely linked to their early childhood experience.

  2. February 24, 2017 / 11:58 pm

    This is such an interesting, brilliant and powerful post. I hadn’t realised the effects of institutionalisation can have on kids. It has really made me more aware. Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink

    • Tooting Mama
      February 25, 2017 / 5:50 pm

      Thank you so very much, Agent Spitback.

  3. Lauren
    February 23, 2017 / 10:12 pm

    This was very interesting to read. It’s so sad that something that happens so early on in their lives can impact on them for a significant period of time. It sounds like you are doing a great job. Totally agree with what you say about managing your own stress levels, we need to look after ourselves for the sick of our children!

    • Tooting Mama
      February 24, 2017 / 9:24 pm

      Thank you but this is the sad truth for so many adopted children and kids living in foster care.

    • Tooting Mama
      February 23, 2017 / 8:46 pm

      With four kids you sure have your hands full, two and a dog is enough for me!

  4. February 23, 2017 / 2:42 pm

    I have thought about adopting and this post is great for those thinking and wanting to take the first steps

    • Tooting Mama
      February 23, 2017 / 8:47 pm

      Thank you!

    • Tooting Mama
      February 23, 2017 / 8:48 pm

      There are quite a few adoption bloggers, it’s worth checking them out to go into the process fully aware! It’s tough but wonderful!

  5. February 22, 2017 / 10:58 pm

    This sounds quite interesting. You’re doing great trying to be so up to date with things and especially ways to help them succeed. Parenting is challenging but also rewarding. We really need to have that right perspective of life and let things go sometimes so we don’t pass to them our fears, stress or anything similar. All the best on your research!

    • Tooting Mama
      February 23, 2017 / 8:52 pm

      Thank you so much.

    • Tooting Mama
      February 23, 2017 / 8:53 pm

      Thank you!

    • Tooting Mama
      February 23, 2017 / 8:54 pm

      Thank you!

  6. February 22, 2017 / 10:17 am

    It’s so interesting to know more about adoption, your kids are lucky to have you x

    • Tooting Mama
      February 22, 2017 / 12:37 pm

      Thank you so much, x

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